Dumbing down fanfiction (fundamentalist style!)

[mab]

Okay... Just this...

conservative mom rewrites Harry Potter so her kids won't become witches

Read it and weep. I weep for her kids. The semicolon abuse, lingering on Hagrid's manly chest hair, and Harry's newly blued eyes kept me from getting past the first page. But apparently Hogwarts school of Prayer, and Reverend Dumbledore, are going to lead Harry down the righteous path and Face down the evils of Barack Obama (Voldemort) cause, yeah... *scratches head* I think she missed the Hogwarts Express!

Comments

[stgulik.livejournal.com]

I read about this last week. I thought it was a ff.net troll!

[mab.livejournal.com]

Trolls write better fanfiction than this. :P

[torino10154]

The link I saw via a fandom friend on FB says that it's posted at ff.net and I have to wonder why a genuinely conservative Christian would associate with that riff-raff rather than just have it on their blog on something. That said, it is serious wtfery.

[mab.livejournal.com]

Yeah... It's here. But I bet she'll burn out before finishing her rewrite of book one. *fingers crossed*

Maybe by posting on ff.net, she's trying to spread the truth to the poor corrupted witches the real books have created?

[lordhellebore]

There are more of those on ff.net than you'd think . . .

[torino10154]

LOL Well, just one is clearly more than I'd think. It seems like going on an anti-porn crusade at Tumblr. Good luck with that.

[digthewriter]

WAIT

Does it actually say BARACK OBAMA???

NO, SIR!

I refused to click on that link so I have no clue about what happens in Hogwarts School of Prayer.

[mab.livejournal.com]

No. It's still Voldemort, but the way she writes him... It's Obama.

[digthewriter]

WOW.

JUST... OK, THEN.

:D

[vengence-on-ice.livejournal.com]

I saw this the other day. What epic douchery. I much prefer the Ayn Rand version of the books (link is in one of Alisanne's random posts of random). At least they're amusing.

Posted on ff.net or not, I can't wait for the lawyers to have a go at this. Copyright infringement et al. Also, the ACLU might have something to say about this, as well as the Secret Service - it is, after all, illegal to make death threats against the current head of state, and it is not considered protected under the "freedom of speech" amendment in the constitution.

What speshul soap bubbles her children must be, that she seriously expects them to be unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. What next, rewrite The Cat In The Hat, and Go Dog Go? Obviously, they aren't real things that can happen; dogs don't drive cars and cats don't talk or babysit. I wonder if the real problem she has with the books is that the whole premise of them is "this is all happening, you just don't know it because you're not special enough" you poor muggle, you? Is she more offended that she's not one of the special people, or that it will force her kids to think critically about the world around them and thus possibly challenge the authority of everything they've ever been taught. Probably the latter.

Or she's just stupid.

[mab.livejournal.com]

Yeah... IDEK

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Wow. Wow. As if completely rewriting a fantastic story to make it fit your own religious views, she had to go on and throw in all those lovely gender stereotypes. This is...something. If this isn't a case of trolling...just. To be so afraid of the world, so terrified of difference, so averse to any critical examination of your own beliefs that you felt compelled to do this... It's pretty sad. And a little bit scary. And, in perhaps a first, now really hoping it's trolls!

[mab.livejournal.com]

*nods* scary, yes.

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

How about we call her insane instead of calling her a Christian.

[mab.livejournal.com]

Insane works for me.

[catplusfox.livejournal.com]

Oh god, lololololol. They've made the Slytherins Catholic? xDDD

[mab.livejournal.com]

Yeah... hrm... bit of stereotyping going on there... but then, the whole thing is one big floating turd. I'm just really blown away by the fact somebody would really go this far to "make Harry Potter 'family friendly'"

Nox says it right... INSANE

[catplusfox.livejournal.com]

And let's just portray all non-Christians as dirty, ugly scumbags. What a family-friendly lesson!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

You mean, non-Christians AREN'T dirty, ugly scumbags???

Next you're going to tell me that Muslims aren't terrorists!! *clutches pearls*

[mab.livejournal.com]

I think I saw Hagrid making those pearls in your witchy art folder. ;)

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

What.
The.
Fuck?

I'm not sure if it's funny or sad, that she's clearly a shitty writer.

I wish I'd thought of it, since clearly, my children have turned into witches from reading the books!

[mab.livejournal.com]

*cackles*

IDEK

-btw- sending you an email in a sec.

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

I say we should spam her in tray with (some) e cards telling her what we think.

She'll like that, y/Y?

[mab.livejournal.com]

lol! I looked at the fanfiction.net page ... She seems to be getting quite a lot of *ahem* feedback without us muddying our fingers. XD

[who_la_hoop]

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry's young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, "Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven't you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things."

lolololol, I'm sorry, but this is so obviously a piss take :D

[mab.livejournal.com]

I really hope it is, but I'm just not sure. Snopes gives it a mixture of true and falsehood, so I just don't even know. :P

[snugglemint.livejournal.com]

I saw this earlier and waffled on whether I wanted to post it onto my own journal yesterday. I declined doing so because I was at an utter loss to put into words how despairingly stupid this woman is. I just... hnnn.

My first response to the story was to laugh. If I hadn't, I think my brain might have imploded.

The only thing I can say is that as a witch of Pagan faith, despite my best efforts, Accio has never worked for me. So, the youth of today are perfectly safe from the "witchcraft" of Harry Potter.

[mab.livejournal.com]

XD I know, damnit! I've studied the Harry Potter books "religiously" and none of the spells work for me. :/

[snugglemint.livejournal.com]

I would worship at the Church of Harry Potter. We could have special sermons about slash. Oh, it'd be beautiful.

[mab.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! Beautiful indeed!

[capitu]

Oh my god.

!!!!!!!!

I can't. I just can't.

[mab.livejournal.com]

sorry. :(

Don't if you can't.

[8c.livejournal.com]

Oh my god I'm simultaneously fascinated by and completely disgusted at everything I just read. WHAT A.. WHAT BAFFLING READ THAT WAS.

MAN I HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART these kids know it's just something their mom has written and she's not trying to pass it off as the actual text of the books :'c