a poem: Panic!

[mab]

Please read and review

Originally written for a contest in which I had to take the titles of five of another poet's poems and work them into a poem, myself.. This is the result.

Titles: Wounds, Uncaged, the Axe, Erosion, Killing time.
Panic

It's killing time
in the battle
of my mind.

Spiritual warfare.

Pulled astray,
I swing back
another fray.

The mess that's left
from battle wounds,
Open my chest;

See the battlefields
upon which
my axe, I wield.

"Save me from myself!"
I cry aloud, enraged.
"I want freedom!"
Now I am left uncaged.

"I'm not sure I can handle this
what would happen if I fall or miss?"

I feel the rumble
of explosions
as the field undergoes
erosion.

Thus my hand still grips the axe,
in readiness for
another attack.

Comments

[exsrl920.livejournal.com]

it is something...to battle self.

You have a mighty spirit in your work...

[yumdidlyiscious.livejournal.com]

I would love to see more detail. Any specific battle you are fighting, or all ingeneral. It's a very general poem, so maybe get ....um.... gory? detailed?

For example:
The mess that's left
from battle wounds,
Open my chest;

I like this, but what wounds? What would a spiritual wound look like?
Just thoughts in the sea of understanding.
Namaste
j

Re: You have a mighty spirit in your work...

[mab.livejournal.com]

Yes, I see what you mean. I like to say more with less and let the reader draw upon their own experience to interpret whatever nonsense I put out. Thanks for your thoughts.

~Mab

[auroraprimavera.livejournal.com]

This was gorgeous. So few words & so much feeling.

[mab.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. :)

~Mab

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I don't tend to read poetry much (despite writing it occasionally - used to all the time), but I really enjoyed this.

[mab.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it. :D

~Mab

[hogwartsvixxxen.livejournal.com]

WOW! Very powerful. This made me want to hold and rock you

[mab.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D

~Mab