mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
Hey there LJ! It's been too long again. I'm still alive and stuff. Bouncing around from shiny thing to shiny thing with very little direction - the usual.

Thought I'd share some pics of my most recent cosplay adventure. My brother contacted me a few weeks ago and said that he'd love to do a convention with me where we'd crossplay characters. Since I already had a Sally Ragdoll cosplay and we're about the same size, I thought it couldn't be too hard to pull a Jack Skellington together real quick. Rose City Comic Con was the next convention on my list and so I whipped something up in 2 weeks.

The jacket was the hardest part. I found a wonderful tailcoat at Hollywood Vintage here in Portland. It was old and worn, ripped up a bit on the inside, but workable and... they wanted 150 bucks for it because "vintage". I passed on that. Found a horrible band jacket on the clearance rack, straight out of a 1970s nightmare with gold tassels and glittery shit all over it and bought it for 20 bucks. Then, five hours with a seam ripper later, had the perfect base for a Jack Skellington tailcoat. I took off the buttons, painted one white and sewed it back on. I embellished the tails with felt and wire and then blanket stitched more felt together to make the bat bowtie. Got a black bodysuit and some white textile paint and painted a big triangle and some stripes on it. ... Anyway... It worked. I love how our cosplays turned out.

I'd been looking for an excuse to shave my head again for a while. This was it. See some pictures in the spoiler tags (which seem to work different than they used to??) They open up one after the other and require much clicking?? I've been away too long. Sorry!



Jack Skellington jacket .jpg







Six days after the last time I shaved my head, my hair is already growing back in with full force! I can't stop petting my own head.

Hair growth 6 days.JPG
mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
Hello, livejournal. It's been a very long time since I've checked in and I've missed you all.

Life has been chaotic, but in a good way.

The past couple of years, I've been struggling hard with some personal revelations. Pretty much I can pinpoint the day they became REAL to the day the Prozac wore off. I'd been on it or an alternate antidepressant from ages 16-36; I'm now 38.

The day it wore off, I began writing a fic for the Harry Big Bang and pounded out 74k words for it in 2 weeks. For those of you who haven't read it, it deals largely with gender identity issues and despite the content warnings, is hugely positive and affirming. 'Twas Brillig is the fic, and the link goes to Ao3.

Why this is relevant. I haven't been aware/honest with myself for most of my life as to my own identity/sexuality. Largely, I've presented myself as a staunch LGBTQIA+ ally and left it at that. And then I've lived my life in a pretty much mental closet, stuffing everything I can't deal with into the back of my mind and not dealing with any of it. And that resulted in me kinda having a half-existence, not really living life, instead just bullshitting my way through it ... not connecting with my kids, my husband, my therapist, my kids teachers, my parents, etc... fandom was my escape and the only place I ever let my personality really shine.

Last fall, I decided to give my real life name one last go - see if I could reclaim it and that was a gigantic fail. I ended up so deep in depression I couldn't breathe. I picked up cosplay in an effort to pull myself out of it, since even fanfic writing was too hard. Cosplay, like fanfic writing and podficcing, and playing with art - pretty much fandom in general did give me a stepping stone and I realized I needed to deal with my shit and I needed help to do it in January.

I found another therapist familiar with questioning gender/sexuality issues and had a great first session. Set some goals and met them, and then the second session hit me like a blow to the chest. She couldn't take on another 'talk therapy' client, instead wanting to focus on mindfulness/body awareness meditation... etc.. new agey stuff that I think is great for some people, but wasn't my pressing need then. So I stopped seeing her and instead joined a spa/massage co-op where gender is pretty much a non-issue. Naked hot tubbing and sauna and being out of doors with all the genders and an understood respect of personal boundaries works wonders for me - more than talking shit out.

I'm totally going on a tangent again. Anyway. I came out to my immediate (people I live with) family as Androgyne (nonbinary/genderqueer) in February and life has been looking up like whoa since then. Husband and I have been connecting again, working on talking more, sharing goals and ideals, making sure our futurescopes line up still. They do. He's not exactly sure about what nonbinary gender means, but I've explained it's really just who I've always been, the me he fell in love with was still me, just a me who was unaware that being outside the binary box was a thing I could be.

I struggled with my weight for a long time, and while I acknowledge weight issues stem from many different sources for many different people, for me, it was mostly a symptom of my own disconnect from my true and honest self. I recognize myself looking in a mirror again. I feel present when I'm out and about walking, doing things. Hell, I'm out and about doing things again. ... that right there is a huge sign that I'm on the path to personal wellness.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough. Call me Mab. That's the name I've used with people I trust since 2004/2005. I'm using it in real life more now, and working up to officially changing my name and being honest with my extended family/parents, etc... As of now, I answer to any pronouns. Eventually, I'll likely prefer they/them, but for now I'm not focusing on that (because if I do, it'll hurt me every time it's ignored and I'm not strong enough to face that atm.)

My kids think it's nbd at all. They were so unperturbed by me coming out as genderqueer that it gives me hope for the future.




Late 2015

2016 (about 2 weeks ago)

This is the ship I've been obsessed with since 2014. Fanart by Brunagonda. I base my cosplays off her vision of Nico di Angelo and Will Solace. I'm still waiting for my blue contacts to arrive for Will.

mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
Hello Livejournal. I hope you all had a stellar Halloween.

I thought I'd make another update post because if I don't, I'll just float off even more.

I don't feel much like talking about all the stuff I'm dealing with day to day. It's not hugely awful or anything, but it is making me realize that I am still struggling with ADHD and focus, to the point I've pared down my responsibilities enormously and still struggle to get shit done.


Enough about that. I want to share some fun pictures. Halloween was yesterday and I did nothing more than answer the door a few times (my daughter answered the rest), but I got to do it in costume! Putting on a costume is totally an adventure on its own for me. Unfortunately, nobody in my family can take flattering photos. So, Selfies it is!

This was my second year dressing up like Sally Ragdoll (from Nightmare Before Christmas).

I'm just gonna stick these pics under a tag and then I have to get back to poking my brain and catching the words that come out of it. I have a deadline and I have to break through this block. No excuses.

Photo on 10-31-15 at 4.40 PM #2.jpg

Photo on 10-31-15 at 4.38 PM.jpg

Photo on 10-31-15 at 5.19 PM #2.jpg

Photo on 10-31-15 at 5.16 PM.jpg

Photo on 10-31-15 at 5.20 PM #2.jpg

sally legs.jpg

Whew... That was fun. If you dressed in costume, I'd love to see! Wish me luck and muse juice, please.

Love you, F-list! Stay chill. *hugs*
mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
Hello f-list!

I'm sorry I've been so distant the past couple of months. I do this every year, but this year I've been feeling especially hermit-like. My time alone is really short lately and as much as I'd love to be around more in fandom, I just can't right now. Life things are looking up, but they're taking a hell of a lot of time and attention to make sure they keep going in a forward direction. I know you all will understand that. XD *hugs all the lovely people* If you're curious as to what's been happening to draw me away so much, I'll give a quick rundown in the spoiler cuts below. If you're not really interested in some areas, and would just like to know what the heck my plans are for future HP fandom participation, skip to the cut: Harry Potter Fandom.

My daughter: She's doing really well since we started in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). Most of the kids in her therapy group are going through it because of eating disorders or self-harm, and she's not in that boat at all, so I'm very thankful. I am attending the therapy as part of a parent group, which is really helping me a lot to brush up on the skills I learned (that really got me started out of my darkest days in the mental health system). I like that the teen group isn't allowed to talk in group about why exactly they are there (so they don't feed off each other's maladaptive behaviors, but they do also have individual sessions, so those things are addressed. I get weekly email reports from her advisor at school and since we've started this therapy, she's only had positives to report.

Exercise/Fitness: I've not been doing fantastic with keeping up on this, but as of Tuesday, I'm still heading in the right direction. Since my last measurements I'm down a bit, but not at the pace I had been going. Still, I think it's healthy to slow up every so often, let the body find its normal, then start again with the intense training. I will write up a fitness post for those on my weightloss filter in a little while. Not gonna go into detail here.

Son: My son is going to be 13 in 2 days! OMG! I can't even believe that he'll be a teen. He is my child who has high-functioning autism. I went to his student-led conference last month and then had 2 conferences with the school board about his qualifications for special services. (they do this every few years). I'm so proud of how far he's grown and how much he's improved regarding school performance since we started him at the private school. His private school is tailored for kids with learning differences and most of the kids are somewhere on the spectrum. He's recently decided he wants to wear his hair long-ish. I think it looks great. Considering my husband's hair is down his back, I have no issues with how a person wants to wear their hair. I'm loving mine short, and eventually I plan to shave it all off again, just because I can, and because I love rocking the bald head look. :P (it also grows insanely fast and the bald look never lasts long for me.)

Toddler: The toddler has been a handful lately. He's three and a half and doesn't want to potty train. He's still nursing a couple of times a day, which is fine, I have no problems with going at his pace, but I am looking forward to reclaiming my boobs as MINE. It will happen. This too shall pass. But overall, he's a smart little duck and comes up with the most interesting observations. Last night, after a drawn out refusal to go to sleep in his own bed (which he later changed his mind about) he was lying beside me and pointing at the shadow cast by the ceiling lamp. He said goodnight to me, daddy, the pictures, the window, the door, and the (fish robot) he swears the shadow looks like. XD

Housemate: Our housemate is still with us and I am glad of it. She watches the toddler while I take my daughter to our group sessions on Thursdays. My husband is also home (as he works from home) but it's a real blessing to not have to figure out child care. She was 257 on the waiting list for the women's shelter back in September and has now moved up to the mid-40s, so this too is a good thing. When she gets a spot, they'll be able to help her with getting the services that just aren't freely given in this fucked up world we live in and I'm happy she won't have been on the streets during the winter season of waiting.

Husband: Husband is plugging along, doing his thing. We chat in the evening before bed and catch up on what's what. We're dealing with unexpected expenses from my emergency root canal and an insurance company refusing to cover them, but it could be so much worse, and we're thankful and fortunate to not be in a real hardship.

The hugest time suck of my day to day is driving. I loathe driving. Ever since I was hit by a car at 18, I swore I'd never drive ... and then my mom guilted me into doing it when I was pregnant with my daughter (because you have to be able to drive if you're a mom). Anyway... Now I'm driving nearly 3 hours a day, just taking my kids to school and back.. and on therapy days, it's more like 4.5 hours because of traffic and everything is on opposite sides of town from everything else. Blah. Humbug.

The Harry Big Bang is gearing up! OMG! I'm way excited about this! I am looking forward to submissions coming in and preparing to find every single spare minute I can to start proofreading! It's gonna be awesome!

My goal for podficcing the 300+k fic Turn by [ profile] saras_girl all in 2014 is now complete! Turn the Podfic! I've sent the sound file to my lovely hosting person and will have it posted after she gets back to me with the link. I have so many feels about finishing this project. It was a true labor of love. I think the entire thing maxes out at almost 37 hours. It took at least 4 times as many hours to record and edit (and that's being generous with estimating, it was likely more). So, yeah... Whew! *wipes sweat from brow*

And now for some sadder news. I'm going to be using 2015 as a sort of hiatus year from fests. I'm still planning to co-mod [ profile] hp_darkarts with [ profile] writcraft and the [ profile] hp_podfic_fest with [ profile] starduchess, but as far as writing goes, my muse is not on HP right now. I do have several HP podfic projects planned for this coming year, but I will likely not be taking on any more until my hiatus ends. I'm also still going to the the [ profile] hp_uk_meetup this summer and cannot wait to meet all the fandom friends that will be there. I suspect my HP squee will be back up in full force by then! So this hiatus is really only a break from participating in fests and it will end in 2016 in time for Leviosa the Harry Potter 2016 convention in Las Vegas! I'm so there!

I don't think I'll be in my quiet space for much longer. I really love all of you on my f-list and enjoy keeping up with all your news and chatting, etc... So even though I'm taking a break, I'm not leaving.

And I sent the last of my holiday cards today, so if you haven't got one yet and signed up for one, it's on its way! And my goal of beating last year's number of cards sent was met and more than doubled! So thank you for that! Sending cards is something that makes me so happy!

For those of you who follow me on tumblr at Mab-speaks or Mab-shares will have noticed, I've fallen into a new fandom as far as writing goes. I seem to have an all or nothing muse, and I can't juggle more than one canon and set of characters at a time. I completed my first fic for the Percy Jackson fandom late last month. It's called Shelter and is 71,505 words. I wrote it a chapter a day from mid-October through November and I haven't let go of it yet. I had to end it where I did to free up December and January for the Harry Big Bang, but I have three Shelterverse one-shots planned, the first is posted: Atonement and it pairs the greek god, Apollo with Zephyros, the god of the West Wind. The next will be my first go at a femslash pairing and the last is going to be the main pairing that featured in Shelter. After that, in February, I'm planning to begin the sequel.

I have too many feels and ideas and my head is just brimming to the point I have 3 documents filled with notes, canon/head canons, and partial outlines. I've never felt so freaking prolific in my life and it's just something I can't ignore or stifle. So I'm going with it and will find out where it gets me.

And see the pretty cover art made for me for Shelter... The artist is called St00pz and can be found on tumblr.

Another artist was inspired by the fic too and created this art Nico di Angelo gets a new jacket. And I've had two other people ask permission to fan art from the fic. OMG... so much squee!

All right ... and if you made it through all that, thank you. If you didn't, I don't blame you. Please don't feel guilty. I just want to give you all a heads up as to where I've been, why I'm quiet, and what my plans are. I love you all and I hold the fact true to my heart that Hogwarts will always be home, and I can never stay away forever.
mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
*trigger warning like whoa*

The youtube page. The link to the fund is in the description

Don't watch the vid if you can't, but this kid secretly taped his coming out to his parents. They chose their misguided and misunderstood beliefs over their child. His friends have set up a gofundme page to help him get on his feet.

It's impossible to help all the kids this happens to when we don't know who they are or where they are. I think those who do share their stories and reach out for help are the ones we can help and through a group effort - help make it better.

If you can't contribute, help by sharing the story or the gofundme page. Group effort makes a huge difference. This kid will feel the outpouring of love and it will change at least his life.

*cries tears*
mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
Hey all,

Just dropping a note in my journal to let you all know I'm spending the next 10 days in Vermont with my family, visiting inlaws. They have wifi, but it's not the best, so I will be around and reachable, it just might take a bit for me to respond.

I'm planning to record chapter 12 of Turn while I'm here and attempt to make progress on my glompfic for [ profile] serpentinelion. I love the prompt and have the whole thing plotted, but writing hasn't been something my brain is interested in lately. I'm having way too much fun recording podfics and playing with my voice. Could be that acting streak in me that went dormant after my car accident is waking up again. Whatever it is, I like it and will roll with it.

So. If you need me, your best bet in grabbing my attention is by email... I'll be around on gtalk sporadically, so if I don't answer right away, I promise it's not that I'm ignoring you! XD
mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
marriage equality is here!!!!

So this just happened in my state and I'm so relieved and just excited. I got the news while I was at the gym! Made my workout so much sweeter with a huge grin on my face.
mab: mab cosplays (sexy wexy)
The dark Christmas fest, In the Shadow of the Season is coming to [ profile] hp_darkarts in two days and I'm so excited!!!

Season Banner

My livejournal 5 year anniversary is on the 15th (only 5 days away)! I'm torn between feeling like that feels like a long time and it feels like I've been around longer. lol

Life for me has been going well. I'm busier than usual trying to find the right high school for my daughter to attend next year and getting her application in before it's too late. Next year I will have one kid in pre-school, one kid in middle school and one kid in high school. I think it may short circuit my brain trying to get them all to and from school on time.

The older two kids are also in braces (for their teeth) and the past few months has been busy with appointments and other stuff related to the mouth. The anniversary of my first husband's death was last month and we all made it through well enough. 10 years he's been gone. It's amazing how time flies.

I'm plugging away at writing a short fic for something secret and because my attention has been pulled in all directions, I've been working on it for over a month and am at about 1000 words. *headdesk* This too shall pass. My only other plans for fandom are to get my hd_remix written and to mod hp_darkarts with [ profile] writcraft

I just got home from showing my other house to prospective renters (the woman is also a fandom friend and slasher in the Avengers fandom) so ... fingers crossed they'll take it and I won't have to worry about finding renters any more.

I have more HP recs for fic and art and will post them soon, but I've been a bit scattered, so that will wait for now.

I hope you are all well and to the people who signed up for my Christmas cards post, I hope the cards arrived and you liked them!

Love you lots, f-list!

September 2016

1112131415 1617


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

  • Style: Midnight for Heads Up by momijizuakmori

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 05:33 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios